Stuck In A Gutter

I have never been great at idioms. I coined this one a few years ago and decided I was going to own it.

Plus, it has been very fitting as of late. I have ideas and lists and good intentions, all good things and great when feeling them all at once. However, I seem to be missing one crucial component to make any of those truly effective. The sad part is I can’t even think of what that would be. I know they say pregnancy causes all sorts of forgetfulness to come about, and I have definitely fallen victim to it.

It may also be that my list is way too long. Having a big life-changing event just on the horizon, it’s impossible to not have a list of “must-do’s” before the life-changing occurs. I know all you naysayers are thinking “if its truly important it will get done, otherwise oh well!” Well to that I say NAY! Lots of very important things don’t get done, and the result is added stress and chaos for yours truly.

So perhaps I am letting the stress get to me. I want to carry on and do all the things, and at the same time I just want to sit at home with a cuppa and play video games. To which I am a little embarrassed to admit, but it is what it is.

Work is taking off and life is building a momentum I have never had to deal with before. Self-doubt is continuously surfacing reminding me that all I do is rubbish and I should just go back to playing video games. For the first time since I was in school I am feeling the pressure of deadlines and following through on things.

Its amazing. And exhilarating. And I absolutely love it.

But I also fear that just as things “are starting to happen” for me I am waiting for it all to crumble with this huge life changing event that could literally happen at any moment.

So this may be crazy, and a great unleashing of pent-up stress and worry, but it is hard to keep pressing forward when the future is such a great unknown.

I know a few things for certain. I know I love my job and I want to keep doing it. I know I love my children and want to be the best darned mother I can be. I know babies are exhausting and time consuming. I know I want to blog and be bold and take some risks. I know I love tea and video games.

And somehow writing this has made me feel better. If I do manage to make it through this week without tears shed, it will be an accomplishment indeed. So far so good!

52 Weeks: Weeks 1-3

The start of a new year is often a time of thinking forward, planning, goal setting, and resolving lingering issues that chase you from one year to the next. I love sitting down with a cup of coffee to plan out the upcoming year and set some goals. Drinking a hot beverage and making lists, those are happy moments for me.

One of my favorite bloggers just finished a 52 week project she worked on last year. While I don’t plan on doing exactly what she did, which involved photography, I like the idea of having a project that breaks down into weekly goals.

This is where all the goals and to-do’s that have been on my list year after year will finally get crossed off. However my to-do list does not even come close to 52 items [that would be insane!] so naturally I am going to make one. Included in that list will be all the things I have been putting off or meaning to do as well as other projects or crafts that I would like to see accomplished this year.

For this week, as it is technically the third week, I will share three projects.

1. Family Christmas Book

This book was a wedding gift that I found to be both ridiculously cheesy and charming. Still I have faithfully intended to fill it in every year. I know I will never be able to scratch this one off as finished [until the book is full or I die, whichever is first] but its been sitting in my catch up pile for years waiting for me to get Christmas pictures printed and pasted in the [up until now] awkward blank “place Christmas photo here” slots.

2. A Christmas Gift For A Friend.

Its almost the end of January and I still am working on a Christmas gift. Shame. I know, I feel it. I made a set of three signs for her kitchen and while the first two came together nicely and worked out well, the third I had some trouble with. I re did the lettering over and over and still it just did not work. So I had to start over with a different design, which in the end I like a whole lot better than my original plan.

3. Jar Candle

I saw this one on Pinterest years ago and thought it was cute- but to purposefully destroy a book? Seemed a little drastic. Then the joys of having a toddler boy became known as my son did the dirty work for me. Now, having an entire books worth of pages to use for art I  added this craft to my to-do list. Simple but cute.

Hopefully having an official project and posting it here will help me get these things crossed off my list! Because it’s time.

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